Sunday, November 7, 2010


I was surprised at the youtube and google response to my inquiry of quantum rhythm and quantum frequency. I have a new found love and fascination for the study and interpretation of wave forms and Eigen vectors.

Upon a short investigation of gravitational waves, a strong theory of physics, I noticed that although an estimation was made of the effects of the wave over time, no estimation was made as to the high and low points of the wave over time on an object?

My latest and greatest theory (these collapse quarterly) supposes that matter is the manifestation of a frequency on the fabric of energy space and energy time. If this is the case than our reality is like a movie whose light is energy vibrating at such a perfect frequency as to manifest visibly, audibly, etc for a brief amount of time.
This brief amount of time should be albe to be measured, where the frequency itself is responsible for the transfer of energy and uses energy, thus filling some of the void of all of the missing energy in the universe. If I, for instance, had to maintain the number 1 visibly from what is naturally 0 and this required 1 amp/second, and if I also suppose that a quantum coherent vacuum kept this energy stable so long as there was quantum energy to draw from than I would be able to measure the energy of the frequency and derive, through estimation of all reality, how much energy is being used, how much has been used, and how much is left.
Unless of course we can not surmise what quantum particles are made of, or what the lowest common denominator of energy is, as it would exist beyond a door we could open. If this is the case then our search for a theoretical constant would be over.
Short of this kind of available absolution I would still theorize that a quantum frequency and the evolution of frequency and rhythmic science as a whole can help us to better understand natural effects, energy transfer, etc where frequency is essentially the quantification of movement of time.
If a galaxy is spiraled because of the wave of gravity from a super massive black hole than can we measure the effect of the diminished gravity on things in this layer? Electrons exist in frequency bands around a nucleus and never in between, how does this governance exist in smaller levels?
Do these nuclear laws exist at the plank scale?
If it is all frequency than can it be remolded with a slight frequency change?
Every genius finds new truths in the "code" of his studies. Isn't this process the mental manifest of the frequency of those efforts? See observation effect.
Can frequency/rhythm align quantum particles? Is this more efficient than the electromagnetic force at low energy?

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


On faith...
It is only through delusion that we make all things possible. If our minds are wired, and in this wiring we are must compute sum-if equations, than we must expand the sum of our input to include delusional possibilities where, because of this effect (the Heisenberg, Hawthorne, Observer Effect) the reality of our delusion can come true. (Established by quantum spin, super collapse, and quantum coherence) The Kabala’s astral plane as is described in the Zohar by Zolar would appear to be spot on (when observed). What then is the best tool for this illusion to manifest in each individual, well whatever gives you the most amount of faith (delusion).
First find peace, then focus, then creation/destruction can manifest. Is it then in ritual that we are habitually drawn to faith, and is it then in fulfilling the senses, as every spiritual ritual does, that our faith is manifested more strongly? Is it where two or more are gathered because this increases quantum/spiritual inertia? Does fulfilling the senses in the right way compound our spiritual affect, can fulfilling them in the wrong way block this affect, in a world where so much could be possible we must need to control our input carefully, good food, good water, good information, good shape, no fear, the more faith, the more result. Let delusion guide you, this is why mascots work, when everyone buys in you are actually creating a spiritual body in the ether/astral plane. I am not God but I have a direct connection to him and through him all other things. Get to god, get the world. Faith is born of conscious need, can we grow beyond it, perhaps but then we would need to grow beyond the sum/if predisposition of our minds so that we can affect the ether without delusion/faith. (Though it is reoccurring perception that is faith, nothing more. You are no more real to me than I perceive, no light has actually ever touched my mind which exists in a sensory vacuum and is only an electric/quantum computer networking my senses.
The more intellectual the higher the propensity for sum-if to be bound by the supposed and perceived reality, and the less likely we are to break free and have faith/delusion. Does this even the playing field between the intellectual as it is inverse to the spiritual, what if we have both? What if we can use both? Can we use intellect to better focus our faith/delusion on the smallest thing in a chain requiring the least amount of focus and energy but to have the greatest amount of impact? Is it easier, in the plane/brane to affect time than objects? How does everyone else’s perception materialize things in our perception? Does everyone’s participation help embolden the objects in the matrix. If so than how do we free ourselves? Seclusion/Isolation? Every great spiritual moment in history has happened in isolation where we are free from the “focus” of others. Can we have the greatest impact on stuff where it isn’t understood, so it is under the stifling radar of our sum if or where others do not perceive it so it is outside of theirs? Can I not see something everyone else does, yes, but only where I am sure and this sureness is an overwhelming faith in the sum if I have deducted and it remains this way until my equation changes. Where it is all perception it is all faith, change your faith, change your world. Change your world, change the world.

Gravity again....
I propose that gravity is a frequency inducing vacuum, by that I mean that its frequency of energy creates a vacuum of suck in the ether, or attraction. All things want to be with all of other things, gravity birthed time where it is a reflection of mass and time is god. Gravity is time.
The Sun is a perfect metaphor for the rotation of gravity and energy, you run out of energy before gravity, but gravity is weaker than all other energy, but is more everlasting so must exist below nuclear forces on the spectrum.
Peace escapes time, allows quantum mind ability to interact with God more forcibly, more intimately, and connects us.
This interaction with god through peace can be stress inducing on the body, the connection, "holy spirit" in you can overwhelm the transcended and is the unknown tickle that we experience and is a little distracting as it persuades a good feeling and can bring out sin and it is the first test/distraction/sin.
Is there a scale where gravitational waves become visible?
The beginning is peace of mind; this increases mental activity, like priming a pump which is essentially what you are doing as these effects are either time manipulation or vacuum induced.
Peace = 0 or peace = 1 and -1/2 – this would mean that the affect is 1 or that we have control over the other -1/2 which means we have 25% control over every instant. Hope/faith/delusion represents 25% , is this the open possibility left in the me that no one knows which psychology predicts?
We love drama when it ends in peace, it’s the peace we wrongly fight to find, no one loves peace, just the dramatic mind finding peace and the contrast, contrast is not peace or focus. Contrast is dangerous.
Mass is time if gravity is time. It rounds the otherwise single dimension of the astral brane/plane. Breathing, in and out, we are simply in this universe in between breathes of the greater brane/plane.
2 is the responsibility, its frightening and the sudden realization of power, it can breed lust.
I can not have mental control until I have physical control as my body can rule my mind with pain, hunger, need etc but the mind can be trained to overcome and then to work in tandem but this takes energy and that is bad as it is distracting.
Focus brings creation and distraction, peace brings understanding, then we get to, when we are conscious, choose.
Choice overcomes determinism but only 25% of the time.
It does mean that for you to change you have to overcome the world’s perception of you, as this expectation would affect your behavior in unconscious moments or in the other 75% that you can’t control. Also explains why it is so easy to change when isolated where there are no expectations. Estimated number of conscious moments = 40 times/sec. This represents the number of quantum super collapses we experience, also means the universe was conscious directly following the big bang, for just a moment.
When people wait a long time to make a decision are they waiting on others to literally project them one way or another? How is stubbornness defined? If you shield yourself from consciousness are you immune to influence? Is this a result of being conflicted and/or permanently focused without ever retreating or reenergizing at a stage of peace? This would mean that all moments have potential to overcome all effects and we are left equalized no matter what, the system is balanced, the astral plane is a giant circular reference and always leads back to consciousness, this means that consciousness is time, because without either we do not exist because we cannot perceive. If this is the case where does light come in where we have relativity? Does light matter? Does light create consciousness? Is light literally God?

Friday, April 2, 2010

# 17

Bearded flame, not so tame, and it all red the same. Over whine I found strength in sharing, a reward born of caring and though I am too proud, intense, and reaping she loves me straight, the tangles are lurking. Some trust does, some truly do, and some trilogies drowned left lurking in the so to do tune of verdad truths and the silence that has found us.

Thank you # 17 for your reality, your hope, and the rest you gave us to prepare for # 18 which we will surly dare. And though 6 was too much and the bottles remain uncounted I await the moment when my numbers are no more with absolution left somewhere on the floor.

An earring fell but was quickly saved and out of this moments came that saw us raw, rare, and relieved. Moments that I can remember though some I don't believe. And though intense, incensed, and immobile we saved the night with the intimacy that followed.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Where Errands Grow

Long time since those grey blue eyes called me out, called me lover, called me hateful, and called me father. Too long since they caught me catching up to quick with a friend who should have never been and a dream that schemed without me to show you what I always tried to hide. Hid in rhythm, in time, usually out of line and though I am someone hard to find it is worth the journey to my mind. So come get me, read too far in, know all about me and discover yourself within. Art can’t be without me and I wouldn’t want to be without it. Painting hanging on the wall, left in verse it seems so small but put some color in those words and you can expand the canvas that you birthed. Create a remark from which to embark, even if only for an epicure etymology and the epistolary to flow, this is where you will find me, where the errands grow.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

If I Dare

I moved into the sun in an attempt to find my soul
Still lost in the dark of you would know.
I moved across the world in an attempt to lose myself
So lost at the sight of everyone else.

Lose your mind and you will find me
Lose your faith and I will find you
Find a faith that we can share, a time that we may dare, and a place that could spare a little room for this otherwise obvious, not so auspicious, serendipity.

I walked into the sun in an attempt to find myself
Lost in the dark of you.
I walked across the world in an attempt to know myself
Lost in the sight of you.
You lost your mind and found me bearing a new faith for the world to share
But you refused it, refused me, and let me bleed in the sea that would never be.

Lose your mind, no tricks, just lost in the woods, broken sticks under fallen leaves in a cold rain that sings in the branches of my despair, you're lost, I am found, and all in the faith of these trees that would see me set detached but would finally let me be at peace.

I search subversily and kidnap my own mind, frozen in analysis, frozen sometimes, but you free me in distraction, give me focus in attraction, you vangaurd, you vow, you envelope too much of me. I have traveled lost in the light of tranquility, dissatisfied by the beams that would ardently attack my arced approach and as on land my laquocious propensity once again fails me while I manuever in an attempt to deny my habitual nature, find discipline, find respect, find bravery, and in the end find the me, subersively left to be.

Monday, February 22, 2010

The List


Family values


Old Soul






Hard working


Likes to cuddle

Loves music

Loves movies

Loves old things





Piercing eyes



Musician/Singer – karaoke OK

Little country/Little city

Wants children



Likes to banter

Likes to party

Likes to sleep in...occasionally

Takes the road less traveled











Requires more of me than I am...

Thursday, February 18, 2010


Chastity roaring at my door, blue eyes peek through the half closed window to a too open soul that speaks alone of love, being lost, and finding home. Patient’s watches my mind race to avoid it and romance is lost at the thought of it. Running too soon to the city to lose it, we found it while desperate to misplace this teasing thing that knows we know it knows. We found it in fresh snow, in black streets, where love often meets. In unknown portals, and little man holes, I stopped and asked where did our souls go? We found it in a town unlike any other, millions around, all in wander, enjoying the light you brought to me, bright enough for this duplicity. Simplified every instant, I choose to suffer you, and when asked why I do it, I remember waiting, catching those blue eyes at my door, roaring and speaking of nothing just to justify a presence that can amount to nothing. Though should you find courage in the subversive words I write, in the memory of how I find you, most of the time right, comment below, I hate you, and brave a new life, comment at all, I know you, and find me standing by your side.

Friday, February 12, 2010

New York:
I had the pleasure of exploring this magnificent town this week and have been left permanently imprinted by the hospitality, scale, and umami of the city. First things first, the pro.

Don’t honk, $350 fine,
Wrong tunnel, wrong way
Empire state of mind.
Harry Monk, I’ll see you soon
Ireland I’ll see you sooner!
The Marcel was swell,
Boom Boom was better
And in the spirit of it all
I built the queen a throne
From which she saved lives
One song at a time.
I rode the subway,
Too many barstools
And found home in conversation
Settled to my destination
And just as I started to learn my way around
Downtown, Midtown, Uptown
East Village, Soho, Gramercy
Central Park, Jersey, and Time Square
China Town, Little Italy, and Columbus Circle
Saw 6, saw 59, saw 5th, saw Broadway
Saw myself, saw someone else
And in the truck I left in I left different then when I came.
Not more knowledgeable, wise, or rude
But amazed that God has created such
A place for me to view. Amazed that it
Never stops no matter the mood and
Amazed that I loved it, all of it, so soon.

That being said I will be back very soon to chase down all of the things that eluded me this time around. I am in love as I prefer to be but this time it is with a city. Standing on top of the Empire State Building at 1000’ and staring at the scale of the city, Jersey, Queens, and Brooklyn is similar to standing in a corn field and staring at the stars. You feel important, insignificant, and inspired, this is what New York City did for me. The only strange thing is that all of those Yankees think they won the war. :)

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Responsible To You

I have been here before, but removed by the thin glass that would see me set detached. And now, violently aware of the emotions taking place over here, I am filled with the past, enslaved by my own regret. What am I, if not confused, if not abused, if not in perpetual sorrow for the stares I have stared before. I have seen my face, like in a mirror, betrothed by wonder and simultaneously angry at the faces that would stop my progression and make me, force me to check myself, my thoughts, my expression, ceasing the flow of my spirit in its search for perfection. I have seen it like a tool of arrogance. Seen it like a manual for the ever aware, ever distant God to view me. And now, being on the inside I can only marvel at the simplicity of omnipotence and study, to put oneself permanently inside another, than this being is revealed with every self reflection. To wonder unto oneself is to be exposed to what is inside. This could be the catalyst of eternity, that what we teach is not left in lesson, but left inside, leaving us imprinted with the voices of the souls around us reminding us that it is a progression and that we must grow and that we are all responsible to each other.

ELL 10/16/06

Monday, January 25, 2010

Tread Slowly

Oh to tread slowly against the current of my intent
Would be to bow kindly to her next attempt;
To find infatuation hiding in its muddy water;
To move more quickly in the trust of her Father.

Oh to tread slowly against this current;
What I have done to ease this tide;
Gravity's moving, can't fight against it;
This is fate dear, and Love's every instant.

Stop trying and I will,
To build a dam, I break it;
Find me, instead, swimming to save it.
And should we put asunder those that would make it;
We would have victory in the arms of serendipity,
Let it be then till the end, that we rise against it;
Let it stand, let it stand, out of water, this instant.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


I saw you through the leaves
In the corrugated vein of who I'd be.
Pulse pulse to quick in the wet wind that blew,
Pulse pulse to fast for what we knew.
Music is wrong, airs to cold,
But I force these leaves to be
With the inadequate will of my infatuation
Impossible to end at my destination.

Kitty Come Soon

Like a railroad track to chaos and despair,
I want to dance among the long curled hair,
Hard not to stare, harder yet to beware.
Watery eyes, like a segue, a window to her intent.
I find myself stricken and falling too quick.
I’m riding this train, unable to stop,
There is no exit, there are no drops.
Speeding and rushing this train picks up tempo
Like a song bleeding its final crescendo.
And I, who once was the conductor of this tune
Find myself the victim of “kitty come soon”.
And so I jump to depart to avoid getting bored,
Or worse to avoid being boring
Looking for a new way, thinking I am safe
I dive back in, ebb and flow, into the deep end
Its cyclical like commotion, driving my damn emotion
and in the height of it, with no one else around
she lets me touch her boarding that train
this time to the end. 

Monday, January 18, 2010


Floating and wanton
But never forgotten
Set to flame on a pool of desire
Created by my need to conspire
And upon fruition while blooming and birthing
I found a conclusion that left me searching.
So be my thoughts foolish, frank, or sequestered,
I remain the mute king and they the prince jester.

ELL 08/04

I Saw It

I saw our starting place hidden behind the dead forest of rhetoric and our bright futures exposed in the sarcastic verbiage of a cold grey winter shower. And so I'm found in a blue oriental haiku, but lost again in my fast round about back here in the dead wood with you. Free me red from this wood I dread and bring me to the light, show me how to make these feelings copulate to white.

ELL 08/05


When shadows fall where Buddha waits,
A meeting place does time create.
Where you evolved and I became
To finish the paths we had called the same.
Forgotten stones of the path
For which I have walked
And the taste of the air that blew.
Textures gone, the clouds away
With all those things I knew.
Just impressions now,
Stuck in stone making the path anew.
But the colors coming back round now,
Just in time for you.

ELL 02/04

Woman. Girl. Man. Boy. Friends. Us. Me

Frustrating, unreciprocated, intolerant, in love.

Flirting, unrestricted, intentional, in jest.

Fallen, unforgivable, in kind, inside.

Forte, unpredictable, informed, in love.

Firm, unexpected, envisioned, intuitive.

Feared, unknown, impossible, in love.

Finding, uncompromising, impatient, in awe.

And all of these at once as I so often fall.

One Million Things

One million sweet things to say,
Help me lover find the way.
How long I wonder will it take,
Perhaps until I'm 108.
And speaking of desire, of love, and me
I've searched time for something used,
But in music now, and art tomorrow,
I have found something new in you.

I wait for these moments
Till moments are no more
To convince you of my intent,
The one that I adore.
In love, I surely am.
Known I am not.
So guided by nothing more than fate,
I'll love you till I'm 108.

Sunday, January 17, 2010


Broken streets have left me meek
‘lying lost in the scent of her’.
Too many days pass between my indiscretions
And so I’m impatient at the thought of her.
I loose sleep to dancing gypsies roaming through my mind,
Beating toward my heart, me they’ve yet to find.

Violent sensations in violet all around,
The world put asunder with its disturbing sounds,
I have to save my destiny and protect the truth,
To show the world my passion and give myself some proof.

I get one ration of passion to get me through my day,
And who do I find purring but this kitty in my way.
So I deliver my misfortune in one unyielding verse,
Letting this fool guide me directly into her.
No troubles come tithing here at my door,
Instead I find my muse waiting, grrrrr, meow, roar!

Discovering The World (Sarcastically)

I have just discovered the world and I did it, not by discovering myself or traveling to far off lands, but by ceasing my desire to discover and becoming aware of the world passing through me ).

Have you noticed everyone searching?

Have you noticed that it is not until a very late age or after some intense psychological/spiritual trauma that they seem to reach a peaceful plane where the mental expedition stops and all that seems important is the now. All that matters is capturing the moment, good or bad (these imaginary systems), recognizing that this is a more relaxed and enlightened life.

The problem I see, however, is not with those that are not enlightened or those that are because these by there psychological nature, dare I say universal nature, are subject to entropy and therefore are fleeting. The problem I see is with the idea of naming a state of acceptance.

When I was younger I enjoyed drama, and found peace in it. Now that I am on the backside of psychological trauma I enjoy quiet moments and find more peace in them (not to say I don’t still enjoy the occasional situation or a good ol'fashioned crush). Therefore I can only conclude that if the meaning of life is to, as I previously stated, find peace, than this is invariably what we are doing all of the time, for it is our purpose and therefore, no matter the state we seem to be in and no matter what we seem to be doing we are all seeking peace.
Unfortunately this peace for some comes from chaos and pain, for others it comes from peace and joy, but these are not right and wrong, they are nature, of which we are conscious, maintaining its perfect balance. This balance, however, is not permanent, or at least not to the extent that we can perceive it as such. It is rather a completely objective complex machine incapable of fault because it is incapable of doing.
It is held in harmony by its laws, the sciences that we manipulate are our governor, and our governing bodies, religion, law, etc are merely our best manifestations of these universal principles we do not understand. My one fear is that our collective mind may be capable of creating science but even then it is only we who would be manifesting a less eloquent system of a universe that is quite obviously eloquent.

Stop judging, stop looking or don’t…you are already doing what you are trying to figure out if you should be doing. What you lack is the courage to do without the justification of others. This is the failure of man; we are too weak for our occasional conscious and I am just the person to judge you for it as I am perhaps its biggest victim. This is why, as hero and victim, I give it to God, pray to the rising sun, and try to find myself in everyone I meet.

ELL 06/15/07

The Chase

I struggle to recall as I sit
The thought that was here just then
As I reach out to grasp it,
It eases away from me, again

What kind it was, I’m sure to know
There’s been no time to forget
I had it here only a moment ago,
When the idea and I first met

I’ve chased it around my mind
And thought to lure it closer
But the point I had, I can not find
So now, I conjure another

Modern Philospher

Thoughtfully structured
And without jest
Speech so measured
Makes a patience test

With words too simple
And perfectly true
They arrive to be heard
As if they were new

Deep carved wrinkles
Defend a furrowed brow
From many thoughts
That are so often foul

Set above a gaze
With such depth
Yet, there is no sign
You have ever wept


Jaded red, and hazel blue
Lost again till I see you.
No wine heals this time apart
Or the romance I am about to start.
Flowers know as I do,
Spring times coming, an intoxicating bloom,
Seductive to the morning tune
Of waffles, red wine, skittles and you.

A mystery conceals me from myself,
This boy carrying this boring man
Looking for the boy that once held the plan
And what do I find standing in my place
But a kitty purring and scratching at my face.
Well kitty come roll in the fight I am,
And roll until I am a man,
Roll until spring is done,
The blooms all gone with the setting sun.

And to Orion that would judge my fate
Stop and be gone, you’ll have to wait,
Clouds roll in and conceal my intent
Hide it from everyone, hide it within.
Looking for a reason and knowing what’s to come,
I roll in the purity of this spring time fun.

All I Have

Now close your bright hazel eyes,
And shield me from your purity.
Shut down that smile and force me to shadow.
I know what you feel,
And though I can’t think it out loud,
I can know it, in quiet, in my shadow.

My proper propensity is failing,
And in its place I may only know fear.
Fear of losing this, fear of never knowing your feeling to its end.
And though I know and I the same
All I can give you are my eyes, absent and blue,
For my soul is what you feel and it fails to soon.

And if I begged I would beg for this,
A universe that grants me bliss,
But not in spirit, thought, or psyche,
But that my soul would know redemption,
And even stand as manifest of your salvation.

But only for a moment in your gaze and at your smiles mercy
Could I receive such a gift, but would it know me?
Can I know it if not but something more than this feeling I feel now.
What tease is this that scorns at me,
What wantonness is this if not a bullying child?
Taking my mind and twisting it,
Taking my soul and bearing it, forcing it away.

For who am I but man, and you, if not my only.
This then, my destiny, to dream of such things
For me to know, you to not, and the world to see me
As a stolen soul, left in shadow, without the courage
To say anything.

But I will not cry, I will not fight, I will not growl.
Rather, like the defeated, the lost, and the meek,
I will reflect on you, I will reflect on the status of my being,
And in the end, when the feeling passes, all I will have is this.

ELL 1/14/10

To Undress Her

I could not even catch my breath as I began to unlace her shoe. Comfort was my only thought as I approached what I would do. I got one off so purposefully and justified. I did not want to force it for fear of ruining my intentions tide. Her sock came too easy, almost giving itself to me, and beneath were those painted toes, so soft were those feet. We had already kissed and she'd lay back revealing herself to me and so I moved, as I do, without sacrificing virginity. I kissed those feet in the dark and saw my own defeat. Like a beast kneeling before a bee stricken to his knees, a true and archetypal victory.
She began unbuttoning her blouse and I rushed to her top to stop her. "Let me now", I whispered, begging that she let me be the laborer as I had to remain in control for I was afraid I might rape her. I moved my lips across her legs feeling the texture of her soul and so when I moved across her skirt I did so gracefully, reciting Dante in my mind remembering the detachment and might, forcing myself to focus harder on these moments, even daring myself to be perfect. I was in the moment and out again, never consumed, but ever aware. So as my hands found themselves on her so I was reminded that she was alive and sober. I started again with those buttons, each a tiny battle in this war, and finally I their victor, emperor of this cream torso. Her skirt was zippered and I had to touch her to release it, feeling too much, forgetting to breath, and shaking like a boy 'on that night'. Finally the passion overwhelmed me and I, staring at this nudity, smelling its serenity, and having tasted the sweat of lust, removed myself from her, having done nothing to upset or invade her, and finally leaving having only undressed her.

ELL 5/31/06


‘Cause if I breathed any deeper or focused any harder I’d tear a whole in the reality I see. How much more can a man slow down than to watch the growth of a tree. And here I wait, perfecting my craft, uninspired by what I mean, knowingly caught in the struggle of life, and carried by the drama that is the apex of my reality. And the nirvana has turned out to be too much for everlasting certainty as it’s meant only to shroud an moment, its own spiritual brief. So sampling I go, one end to the next ever hopeful of an unfamiliar reflex. And finding it pure, or finding it sure, finding it evil or finding it flawed I go on searching in this reality I know for the chance to transcend to one that I don’t.

ELL 3/11/06


Sitting here, alone and lonely I find myself in need of some self expression and what better avenue than this. I have compiled, through life and relationships, several hundred poems which I intend on publishing here. Please feel free to comment, I view poetry, like all things, as an evolution.

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Why worry when you can wonder...