Sunday, January 17, 2010

All I Have

Now close your bright hazel eyes,
And shield me from your purity.
Shut down that smile and force me to shadow.
I know what you feel,
And though I can’t think it out loud,
I can know it, in quiet, in my shadow.

My proper propensity is failing,
And in its place I may only know fear.
Fear of losing this, fear of never knowing your feeling to its end.
And though I know and I the same
All I can give you are my eyes, absent and blue,
For my soul is what you feel and it fails to soon.

And if I begged I would beg for this,
A universe that grants me bliss,
But not in spirit, thought, or psyche,
But that my soul would know redemption,
And even stand as manifest of your salvation.

But only for a moment in your gaze and at your smiles mercy
Could I receive such a gift, but would it know me?
Can I know it if not but something more than this feeling I feel now.
What tease is this that scorns at me,
What wantonness is this if not a bullying child?
Taking my mind and twisting it,
Taking my soul and bearing it, forcing it away.

For who am I but man, and you, if not my only.
This then, my destiny, to dream of such things
For me to know, you to not, and the world to see me
As a stolen soul, left in shadow, without the courage
To say anything.

But I will not cry, I will not fight, I will not growl.
Rather, like the defeated, the lost, and the meek,
I will reflect on you, I will reflect on the status of my being,
And in the end, when the feeling passes, all I will have is this.

ELL 1/14/10

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